Thank you for sharing these suggestions. Having had loved ones with eating disorders, this is a topic near and dear to me (plus, I'm going to be sharing a similar piece of my own tomorrow). I'm always looking for new ideas for how to deflect diet talk. The humor approach is one I would like to try, but I'm often just not fast enough on my feet. While I don't always address diet talk (not engaging often is enough to derail it), I've also used the phrase "we don't talk about bodies" multiple times. Though confrontational, it's quite effective at killing diet talk.
Thanks for the great suggestions. I'll share one quick anecdote from my psychotherapy practice:
I have a 40-something male client who's struggled with bulimia since his teen years. In the last 5 or so years, he's been able to significantly cut back the purging behavior and has come to enjoy how his body looks. In the process of normalizing his relationship with food, he gained some weight but was liking how it felt and looked—until his PCP mentioned the weight gain and suggested he lose 20 pounds.
Of course he went spiraling back into the bulimia.
I've had my own experiences with fatphobia from healthcare professionals. As you pointed out, we need to be very careful how we talk to and about our patients. We can cause real harm if we're not mindful of our own biases.
Thanks for sharing all this. I agree - I think a lot of health care providers underestimate the harms of non-consensual discussions about weight with their patient. (I.e. not patient initiated.) I'd so much rather focus on other, less stimatizing measures of health and well being.
Good tips! Body talk in my Chinese family is always challenging since it's a cultural thing to both tell people they need to eat everything and to greet people by saying "you got fat!" or "how come you lost weight?" I'm been told both even when my size hasn't actually changed which has kind of helped it lose its power on me, but I definitely have Asian patients who have developed disordered eating because of these kinds of comments.
Recently my uncle went to my sister's for dinner and greeted her when she was 9 months pregnant with the comment, "wow, you're so fat!" Everyone else was rather horrified and his wife immediately said, "hey, you can't say that." He basically got iced out of conversation for the rest of the meal. Later they came back to my place and I heard about it and it was kind of nice hearing my aunt basically explain to him that it's not cool to talk about body sizes in the U.S. and he should know this by now, but he was a bit defensive as he felt that in communist China people didn't always have enough to eat and so it was a good sign to be big and he had meant it in a positive way. I thought it was interesting to see his perspective and perhaps helpful as the receiver of comments to know that while in the U.S. it's often body policing with such a pervasive diet culture, it may not always be intended in that way.
Such a good point! When a comment about body size is in a cultural context where fatphobia isn't as big of a force, it *loses its power* exactly like you say. When I worked abroad in Tanzania and Malawi, people would tell me I was fat and would also tell me I was skinny - it had no rhyme or reason (and seemed unrelated to me actual body size) but wasn't as loaded of a comment as it would be in the US, more akin to commenting on a haircut or something.
Thank you for sharing these suggestions. Having had loved ones with eating disorders, this is a topic near and dear to me (plus, I'm going to be sharing a similar piece of my own tomorrow). I'm always looking for new ideas for how to deflect diet talk. The humor approach is one I would like to try, but I'm often just not fast enough on my feet. While I don't always address diet talk (not engaging often is enough to derail it), I've also used the phrase "we don't talk about bodies" multiple times. Though confrontational, it's quite effective at killing diet talk.
Thanks for sharing this! This can all be VERY challenging. I hope you have a wonderful meal. <3
Hi Mara,
Thanks for the great suggestions. I'll share one quick anecdote from my psychotherapy practice:
I have a 40-something male client who's struggled with bulimia since his teen years. In the last 5 or so years, he's been able to significantly cut back the purging behavior and has come to enjoy how his body looks. In the process of normalizing his relationship with food, he gained some weight but was liking how it felt and looked—until his PCP mentioned the weight gain and suggested he lose 20 pounds.
Of course he went spiraling back into the bulimia.
I've had my own experiences with fatphobia from healthcare professionals. As you pointed out, we need to be very careful how we talk to and about our patients. We can cause real harm if we're not mindful of our own biases.
Thanks for sharing all this. I agree - I think a lot of health care providers underestimate the harms of non-consensual discussions about weight with their patient. (I.e. not patient initiated.) I'd so much rather focus on other, less stimatizing measures of health and well being.
Hope you're having a restful holiday.
Good tips! Body talk in my Chinese family is always challenging since it's a cultural thing to both tell people they need to eat everything and to greet people by saying "you got fat!" or "how come you lost weight?" I'm been told both even when my size hasn't actually changed which has kind of helped it lose its power on me, but I definitely have Asian patients who have developed disordered eating because of these kinds of comments.
Recently my uncle went to my sister's for dinner and greeted her when she was 9 months pregnant with the comment, "wow, you're so fat!" Everyone else was rather horrified and his wife immediately said, "hey, you can't say that." He basically got iced out of conversation for the rest of the meal. Later they came back to my place and I heard about it and it was kind of nice hearing my aunt basically explain to him that it's not cool to talk about body sizes in the U.S. and he should know this by now, but he was a bit defensive as he felt that in communist China people didn't always have enough to eat and so it was a good sign to be big and he had meant it in a positive way. I thought it was interesting to see his perspective and perhaps helpful as the receiver of comments to know that while in the U.S. it's often body policing with such a pervasive diet culture, it may not always be intended in that way.
Have a great meal today!!
Such a good point! When a comment about body size is in a cultural context where fatphobia isn't as big of a force, it *loses its power* exactly like you say. When I worked abroad in Tanzania and Malawi, people would tell me I was fat and would also tell me I was skinny - it had no rhyme or reason (and seemed unrelated to me actual body size) but wasn't as loaded of a comment as it would be in the US, more akin to commenting on a haircut or something.
Enjoy all the food!!! 💓💓💓