We have a bathroom scale, which gets most use from my kids enjoying stepping on it and seeing it light up (also helpful in answering, are they close to the carseat weight limit?). Whenever they step on it, I say, "wow, look how you're growing! You're getting stronger every day."
Yesterday, my almost-3-year-old daughter turned to me and said, "your turn Mommy!" -- I inwardly groaned, knowing the combination of 6m post-partum with her little brother + holiday snacking would not yield a number I have been used to historically. But I didn't want her to see me reacting that way. I stepped on it. She said, "look how strong you are Mommy!" which made me smile. And then when the scale face blinked off, she added, "Thank you numbers!" which is in line with her current practice of thanking inanimate objects ("thank you shirt, I'm wearing you," "come on spoon, thank you spoon."). It gave me pause: "thank you numbers." Hey, she's right. These are numbers. Data points. Information, not judgement.
So as I'm working to create a judgement-free zone for her, she's helping build one for me, too!
When I was exclusively breastfeeding my daughter and worried about adequate supply when she was around 4-5 months, I wondered about when things change from adults delighting and taking comfort in children's "rolls" to hating/worrying about them in diet culture. Similarly, there's the change from being delighted that babies are eating solid foods and trying new things, and then later potentially policing of what they are eating as good or bad. She's 15 months now and we tell her "wow, your legs/arms/core are so strong!" and she giggles when we kiss her belly. She likes to poke at and kiss my belly too, which is really sweet even when I'm feeling bloated. Overall I think my strategy is focusing on what our bodies can do and feel rather than what they look like. I'll have to see with time how it works out!
I have two teenage sons who are now very committed, active athletes. I love watching them revel in the ways their bodies are strengthening, changing, and beautiful. One of them is often covered in viscous unrelenting hives. They both have acne. And even on those days I see in them an appreciation for their bodies. Ofc they are men and so all if this is different for them than it is for me. And yet, I celebrate my own physical strengths with them. For example, we lift weights together. It’s one of my fave things that we do together right now. They remind me that I am strong, that I can do hard things. We celebrate each other in these ways. I love this phase of parenting, I can be honest with them about when I feel ick about my body and they lovingly invite me to rest, eat, play, lift. They too can, and do, feel ick about their bodies and because we are committed to safety they can share those emotions with us. There is so much recovery in parenting, if we let it.
We have a bathroom scale, which gets most use from my kids enjoying stepping on it and seeing it light up (also helpful in answering, are they close to the carseat weight limit?). Whenever they step on it, I say, "wow, look how you're growing! You're getting stronger every day."
Yesterday, my almost-3-year-old daughter turned to me and said, "your turn Mommy!" -- I inwardly groaned, knowing the combination of 6m post-partum with her little brother + holiday snacking would not yield a number I have been used to historically. But I didn't want her to see me reacting that way. I stepped on it. She said, "look how strong you are Mommy!" which made me smile. And then when the scale face blinked off, she added, "Thank you numbers!" which is in line with her current practice of thanking inanimate objects ("thank you shirt, I'm wearing you," "come on spoon, thank you spoon."). It gave me pause: "thank you numbers." Hey, she's right. These are numbers. Data points. Information, not judgement.
So as I'm working to create a judgement-free zone for her, she's helping build one for me, too!
I love this story so much, MP. <3
Awesome post and message. Thank you for this. I can think of examples while growing up of adults/family modeling this naturally, and not.
❤️
I always tell them they have beautiful bodies! And lots of hugs and kisses :)
Love this <3
When I was exclusively breastfeeding my daughter and worried about adequate supply when she was around 4-5 months, I wondered about when things change from adults delighting and taking comfort in children's "rolls" to hating/worrying about them in diet culture. Similarly, there's the change from being delighted that babies are eating solid foods and trying new things, and then later potentially policing of what they are eating as good or bad. She's 15 months now and we tell her "wow, your legs/arms/core are so strong!" and she giggles when we kiss her belly. She likes to poke at and kiss my belly too, which is really sweet even when I'm feeling bloated. Overall I think my strategy is focusing on what our bodies can do and feel rather than what they look like. I'll have to see with time how it works out!
It will absolutely evolve over time. ❤️
I have two teenage sons who are now very committed, active athletes. I love watching them revel in the ways their bodies are strengthening, changing, and beautiful. One of them is often covered in viscous unrelenting hives. They both have acne. And even on those days I see in them an appreciation for their bodies. Ofc they are men and so all if this is different for them than it is for me. And yet, I celebrate my own physical strengths with them. For example, we lift weights together. It’s one of my fave things that we do together right now. They remind me that I am strong, that I can do hard things. We celebrate each other in these ways. I love this phase of parenting, I can be honest with them about when I feel ick about my body and they lovingly invite me to rest, eat, play, lift. They too can, and do, feel ick about their bodies and because we are committed to safety they can share those emotions with us. There is so much recovery in parenting, if we let it.
"there is so much recovery in parenting." Thank you so much for this thoughtful comment, Sera.